Not Myself Lyrics
Copyright © 2000 Corum. All rights reserved.

HEAVIEST — 2:42

These are the things that we don’t talk about
‘cause it’s affecting everyone we know,
and we don’t talk about
because it makes us so uncomfortable.
 
Failures never to rise in conversation;
success stressed—exclamation.
And what about your home, your life, your beliefs?

These are the things that we don’t talk about
because it might ruffle some feathers up,
and we don’t talk about it,
and it makes us kind of nuts.

These are the things that we don’t talk about
‘cause people probe our lives day after day,
and we don’t talk about
because we hope it will just go away.

These are the things that we don’t talk about:
this message always hitting in the face,
and we don’t talk about
resulting guessing error is the case.

PROCTOLOGY — 9:50

So now I see every inch I gave to you is gone.
You, only to return the look on your face
telling me your sad story.
I don’t believe you—why I didn’t know why.
To deceive me was your goal, and you lied.
Bite the hand that feeds you no more;
chores and deeds you will not receive.
Call on me; I won’t be there for you no more.
Will I guide? You make excuses.
Left in a pool of pity. Poor little boy.

(I know you well.)
What a fool I was to take your word because
you leaned on me when you were strong.
(More than you know.)
I guess you never saw how hard I worked for you.
Thanking me was only last.

Proctology is the way that you clothe and feed yourself.
You’re not a doctor, so I refuse to pay.
Hand over fist out the door you go—out of my life.
Stay away; leave me alone; and I repeat
your empty promises which I refuse to deal.
Your mouth is moving, but no truth comes out your
little hole.
Life like a hungry hunting leach: parasitic in act.
You try to teach me one way to fill my huge void
of self rely you don’t possess.

CRY FOR HELP — 4:25

Shackled from inside. Injury limits pride.
I am my lesser self. I scream a cry for help.

This is my cry. Hear my cry. Bring me back alive.

I found one meaning of life today:
While others cast me away,
the freedom to move as I please;
bow down—I do to the God of knees.
Do not need money; just a place to lie.
Believe; I still dream for the sky.
Say it without mobility.
You hear me cry. You hear me scream.

Sitting in the wide,
confining walls hold me inside.
I am too weak to move myself.
I need to cry. I need some help.
None of this is what it seems.
Can’t rid myself nightmare; no dream.
Arteries aching. No sleep tonight.
I’m forced to face this waking bite.

ANGEL BEARD 11:49

I see colors racing down the walls at me
—inching toward me like road before me;
broken stripes and contiguous lines forming
in colors of yellow and black.

All my life I’ve dreamed of telling stories
—ones like on the silver screen.
Mystery is right on top of my list.
They come out as real life or dreams.

I’m looking out. I see the world
—each cloud lined in silver.
Now I’m sitting down. I’m out in the world.
These days even the clouds have friends.
Looks to me like Mario: hat, mustache, and all
—legs no longer than his head.
Silver breaking down, fading into white light.
They’re playing hide and seek again.

Sitting in my chair I find it hard to move.
At times I forget I’m dreaming.
Like all good things this will come to an end.
Wait, now another begins.

Back in the room where this whole thing started,
those gathered outside cannot hear.
Living their reality, I’m living mine.
Time it moves on free and clear.

Beaming, glowing.
Little red bugs where are you going?
You should have been there.

Spinning, turning
on rivet red ‘cause you’re burning.
When can’t find nervous system make no sound.

Synchronized, I’m mesmerized
watching intently though your demise.
All left in panic stricken mode, they were.

STILL BREATHING — 5:14

I’m breathing. You can’t stop me.
Succeeding. You can’t wrong me.
I’ve awakened more than ever.
Time is now. Watch me deliver.
Not wasting things you squander.
Keep focus; no more wander.
What I have: best of both sides.
Confidence in me resides.

You mock me. I’m listening
with back turned. Hear so clearly.

I’ve lived my life without regrets.
I’ve done more that you care to admit.
So what if it is not done your way?
I’ve lived each one and every day.

Created by yourself
with remarks I won’t forget.

The day is coming soon.
Too bad I won’t share it with you.

Still breathing—never stopped me.
Successful—never wronged me.
Awake and looking at you.
Time now, tell me what you do.
Not wasting. You can’t live by.
Keep focus. You will deny.
What I have you block outright.
Confidence—not in your life.

INTERMISSION — 2:49

NOT MYSELF — 7:44

Fighting my biology during the
last three thousand years.
Such a short time,
yet some want so much.
Can’t we just give it some time?
When will we realize
sudden change will always leave us
short?

I am not myself when I’m around you
—no one real; I am not real.
You are not yourself, and it is so true
—no one real; I am not real.
We are lying when everything’s a mystery
—no one real; I am not real.

Stepping out you’ll see it all.
You’re a fake, and you’re a fake.
A smile that looks forced like yours
just won’t get you far.
Can’t you see? Can’t you tell that
we are all sexist, racist, back-stabbing?
Accept that, or lie to yourself.

I am not myself when I’m around you
—no one real; I am not real.

This is me.

Now a new face upon the scene.
Your personality will shift.
Involuntarily hide what we think and feel.
Disguise what we say
—laughing until they go away.

I will not feed your picture of me.
I will not change to you from me.

Why this instant metamorphosis?
Is it necessary to please you? I question.
Is it necessary to please someone questionable?
I am not myself because you’re
right in front of me.

OVERUNDERACHIEVER — 3:08

You’re always talking, but you’ll never be heard.
You wanted first, but you’ll always be third.
Remember nothing—alcoholic blur.
Think you’ll ask her, but you’ll never be sure.
Twisted mind; you wish your thoughts were cleaner.
This overwhelm you can never deter.
Well wishes, but they didn’t occur.
All because you didn’t lift a finger.

In things with meaning you were never concerned.
Wanted to know, but you never did learn.
Your mouth wide open, but it wasn’t your turn.
And spent the money that you know you can’t earn.
Knocking me although you know you’re a turd.
The goals in which you wish you could’ve conquered
are mounting in a file of never referred
just like a pile of people not remembered.

I wish you well my friend—like all the others.
Each time you screw someone and toss them out
like old furniture, I will give everything I’ve got to
end your schemes prematurely. Until you turn your
take to giving, you will be labeled by the same name:
Overunderachiever.

MAGNITUDE — 7:23

You don’t take me seriously; I will show you.
Won’t waste my pride on you; won’t waste my time.
Energy depleting; must keep my focus.
Time is my guide, and the sun is my light.

The goal created in my mind.
Deceptive truth is still a lie.
Tell it the way it really should be,
or let your days’ end begin.

Accept me, but as a fool is your reason
—putting me down to your friends without thought.
When asked what you really think by me you fester
like the mold in your brain: one big clot of insane.

Magnitude rising; your palms start to sweat.
You’re burning inside, and it’s growing again.
Trying to be something truly you’re not.
By tearing me down guess just where you will rot.

I can’t help but feeling you wish to be different.
You are the one who is suffering inside.
Can’t seem to let go; hold on to security.
Internal war—it is yours. No, not mine.